In our daily interactions, we often find ourselves making assumptions about what others think, feel, or mean. While this may be natural, assumptions can hinder our ability to actively listen and truly understand others. Active listening is a crucial skill in effective communication, enabling us to build stronger personal and professional relationships. However, when we start making assumptions about the speaker's statements, tone of voice, or body language, we veer away from active listening and compromise effective communication. Poor listening combined with ineffective communication inevitably leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. Assumptions become the silent killers of effective listening and conflict resolution. In this article, we will explore the impact of assumptions on active listening and conflict resolution, as well as strategies to overcome the barriers to they create. 

The Nature of Assumptions and Biases 

Assumptions are deeply rooted in human nature and are often influenced by our biases. Biases are inherent tendencies we humans have, to favor or hold certain perspectives.  

Biases can be positive or negative and shape our perceptions of reality.  According to Howard J. Ross, biases are fundamental to our survival and identity. They are shaped by our history, experiences, and beliefs.  

Our biases can lead to misperceptions, as demonstrated by the “Ladder of Inference,” a concept developed by organizational psychologist Chris Argyris. This mental process highlights how we move from receiving information to making decisions or taking actions. As demonstrated in the infographic, we can get caught into a reflexive loop.   

No matter how rational we may believe we are, our biases influence the way we perceive reality, often leading us to miss important factual details and draw the wrong conclusions. Jumping to conclusions clouds our ability to listen with much precision. 

Selective Attention and Prejudice Hinder Listening 

Selective attention is a complex concept that arises from our inherent biases. Its impact can be twofold - either serving as a useful tool or leading to prejudice. Prejudice, which essentially refers to the impacts our biases have on others, is a profound consequence of selective attention. 

In the realm of well-established relationships, such as those shared with close family members, patterns of selective attention tend to emerge. While these patterns can be advantageous in enabling us to anticipate the thoughts and emotions of our loved ones, they can also inadvertently give rise to unconscious prejudices. These prejudices may stem from a sense of familiarity or preconceived notions that we hold about certain individuals or groups of people.  

The danger lies in the fact that unchecked biases and prejudices impede our ability to engage in effective listening, thereby hindering the quality of communication. When we fall into the trap of selective attention, we become prone to filtering out important information that might challenge our preconceived notions, resulting in poor listening skills. Consequently, this can lead to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and a failure to truly comprehend the perspectives and experiences of others.  

In other words, the subtle influence of selective attention can serve as a double-edged sword. While it may enhance our already established relationships, it can also lead to unconscious prejudices that hinder our capacity to listen for accuracy. 

Assumptions and Conflict

Regardless of who is speaking, we also have natural tendencies to make assumptions about what an individual is saying, expressing or doing. When this happens, we fail to fully listen to them. We may miss hidden or explicit messages conveyed through the communication, because we are filtering them through the narrow funnel our assumptions may have created.  

Assumptions can be conscious or unconscious, but either way, they prevent us from truly understanding the speaker's message. This can have negative consequences, particularly when assumptions are based on biases or prejudices. Harmful stereotyping and discrimination can arise from unchecked assumptions, further deteriorating effective listening, communication and relationships.  

The Ladder of Inference is a widely recognized tool in leadership and management circles that sheds light on the mistakes we often make when engaging with others. By highlighting the prevalence of false judgements, biases, and the subsequent counterproductive responses stemming from our assumptions, this concept serves as a helpful guide in navigating interpersonal dynamics. When we mistakenly draw incorrect conclusions about our interactions with others, conflicts invariably arise. These conflicts stem from a cycle of misunderstandings and prejudicial views, which effectively hinder the possibility of conflict resolution.  

How to Avoid Making Assumptions 

To avoid making assumptions, it is essential to be aware of our biases. Harvard University offers free online self-assessments that can help us identify and understand our own implicit biases better. These are useful and enlightening tests that we ask participants in our training programs to take.

We do this because we strongly believe that mediators should recognize our natural tendencies to hold biases, and it is helpful to recognize what those biases are. New mediators will often tell us at first that they feel uncomfortable taking those tests, but later will refer to their usefulness in developing the critical self-awareness.  

Recognizing one’s biases is a critical component of emotional intelligence, as described in Daniel Goleman’s landmark book by the same name.  Most of us who take at least one of the implicit biases tests will be surprised to discover countless biases we did not realize we had. More importantly, by reviewing and challenging any distress-triggering views we may have of a speaker, we can minimize the toxic thoughts that lead to assumptions and misunderstanding.  

Deepening one’s understanding of the Ladder of Inference can also help us avoid the reflexive loop, that can lead us to draw conclusions or make counterproductive responses based on what we think we know. Instead of knee-jerk responses, this self-awareness can help us make more informed decisions, from observable data and inquiry, and improve our ability to listen effectively.  

Building our active listening skills will also reduce our chances of making assumptions and increase the possibility of conflict resolution.

Here are just a few of the active listening strategies we recommend: 

• Remove distractions that hinder listening 

• Be aware of your listening filters   

• Ask open-ended questions  

• Listen for emotions being conveyed 

• Offer silence 

• Pay attention to body language

  Jot down thoughts to avoid interrupting 

• Minimize toxic positivity  

• Refrain from giving advice  

• Don’t derail the conversation  

• Stop rehearsing your response

• Don’t become defensive  

• Avoid playing devil’s advocate  

• Don’t agree with everything  

• Reflect on their underlying emotions  

• Listen for their needs and interests  

• Avoid judging  

• Tune into your own emotions  

• Stop making comparisons 

• Adopt a curious “learner” mindset

• Minimize derailing behaviors that impede your ability to listen  

• Try reframing or restating 

• Listen with a fresh and objective view 

• Get our active listening skills checklist  

Additionally, from the moment you find yourself making assumptions about what is said or how the person is communicating, try this hack, straight out of expert negotiator William Ury’s playbook: go to the balcony.  Take a deep breath and imagine you are an outside observer.

Especially in a conflict, it can be helpful to listen what someone is saying – or not saying -- from a more objective perspective, instead of drawing inferences shaped by our assumptions. 

By vigorously addressing our biases and avoiding assumptions, we can become better listeners, foster understanding, cultivate respect, and nurture effective communication. That’s not to say that any of us can realistically check our biases at the door. However, expanding our self-awareness of the biases that get in the way of our ability to listen can help clear the way for active listening and conflict resolution. 

Assumption-FREE LISTENING Improves Communication 

Assumptions are the silent killers of effective listening and conflict resolution. While it’s human nature to make assumptions, they can be detrimental to active listening, impeding our ability to truly understand and connect with others.  

Biases play a significant role in the assumptions we make, shaping our perceptions and influencing our interactions. When we draw the wrong conclusion about the messages we receive, conflict is inevitable. A cycle of misunderstanding and mischaracterizations of those interpersonal communications then become a barrier to effective conflict resolution. It is essential to remain cognizant of the influence of our assumptions, biases, and prejudices in order to foster effective communication and conflict resolution.  

Active listening requires a conscious effort to set aside assumptions, allowing us to engage in meaningful and empathetic communication. By identifying our biases, reviewing distress-triggering views, and recognizing where we are on the Ladder of Inference, we can minimize the impact of assumptions on our listening skills. Investing in compassionate and objective understanding of others can help us break free from the limitations of the upper rungs of Ladder of Inference. These are keys to cultivating healthy and productive relationships, in both personal and professional contexts. What steps will you take to remove assumptions from your interpersonal communications?